No, the reason I hate Special K adverts is that they seem to personally insult me. It's like they've got a researcher following me around to criticise my attitude, dress sense, and breakfast habits.
Exhibit A: above. According to this ad, being thin (the inevitable result of eating Special K) will result in sassiness. Now, I am not thin. I have never been thin. I do, however, think I might be sassy. I have been told, from time to time, that I possess this quality. My sassiness routine is extensive: moisturising my personality, exfoliating my wit, that kind of thing. I spend at least an hour a day buffing my sassiness by doing stuff like reading books, talking to interesting people, and making up an extensive range of opinions. And now, I find I've wasted my time! All I had to do to acquire this Sassiness was to eat some processed cardboard! You can understand why it's upsetting me.
At first, I was doubtful about their claims, on the grounds that I have, many times, seen thin women who do not appear to be sassy. Or radiant. Some of these thin women looked tired, miserable and harassed. At the time I thought that might be because they had shitty jobs, crap boyfriends or couldn't pay the council tax. Or were just intrinsically thin, miserable personalities. Now I know it was because they weren't getting enough Special K.
Anyway, as if criticising my attitude wasn't enough, Special K have been round and had a go at my wardrobe. I owe a number of red items. Even a whole red dress. I've pretty much always, in my life, owned one or another red dress. People always compliment me when I wear one. Now, I realise the error of my ways: I hope they do too. Because apparently you're only allowed to dress in red when you're thin. Very thin. This is because otherwise some people might notice you while in the unseemly condition of not being thin. When you are thin, then you will be allowed to wear red. In the light of these revelations, I've written to the Special K advertsing agency, and asked if they'd buy me a burka.
I don't love Special K. I don't love their advertising agency, Leo Burnett. I don't love Kellogg's, who I suspect have contributed considerably to the obesity of the nation by flogging salt-and-sugar-ridden cereals that don't satisfy people's hunger. But if Kellogg's want to advertise low-calorie cereal, they could simply go 'Ladies - want to lose weight - this stuff is low calorie!' They don't actually have to go round going 'Feel shit? You look shit. Hide yourself, you faaaaaaat bitch.' Which is basically the voice of an abuser, beamed into the homes of a million women, courtesy of daytime TV. Other brands manage to advertise themselves without abusiveness, don't they?
Like I said, I don't eat Special K. I like porridge for breakfast. And I know that once you get onto sexism in advertising you could be here for a long while. But I really do feel that this particular campaign is just Specially Offensive.